I love you Grandpa....

Wednesday night i found out my Grandpa Wadlow had passed away...it was so sad. We had just finished setting up the activity for that night that i was in charge of helping with...and then i got the text. i tried so hard not to let it show...but Tali as usually can tell right away when something is off...she gave me one look then asked what was wrong...which made me want to cry even more! and i was trying so hard to hold it in until  mutual was over! so i went to the bathroom and tried to get ahold of myself...then on the way home...i just couldn't stop. i now officially know what its like to cry while driving...and once again those silent cries got me...and the tears just rolled down my face. As soon as we got home i tried to escape to my room so Tali (who was spending the night) wouldn't see me cry. but there was no such luck. she got me in my room. and she just hugged me while i cried my eyes out in her shoulder. after i had decided i didn't want to get anymore snot or tears on her i told her i needed a minute and i went outside. then it all came out. i don't think i have cried that loud in a very long time. i was so mad and sad. mad that he was gone. sad that he was gone. mad at my mom for not even sounding like she cared. sad i didn't get to say goodbye or i love you one more time. i pretty much just had a melt down. i kicked the dirt and screamed. and asked why over and over again. then i just sat there in the dirt and let everything come out. i couldn't stop the tears for a really long time. i hurt soooo bad. i miss him so much. i always blew him off when he wanted to talk or do something, always telling myself i would have time later...and now i don't. I've cried myself to sleep the last 3 nights...i miss you grandpa. and i love you more than words can say....='(