Saturday, January 22, 2011

I love you Grandpa....

Wednesday night i found out my Grandpa Wadlow had passed was so sad. We had just finished setting up the activity for that night that i was in charge of helping with...and then i got the text. i tried so hard not to let it show...but Tali as usually can tell right away when something is off...she gave me one look then asked what was wrong...which made me want to cry even more! and i was trying so hard to hold it in until  mutual was over! so i went to the bathroom and tried to get ahold of myself...then on the way home...i just couldn't stop. i now officially know what its like to cry while driving...and once again those silent cries got me...and the tears just rolled down my face. As soon as we got home i tried to escape to my room so Tali (who was spending the night) wouldn't see me cry. but there was no such luck. she got me in my room. and she just hugged me while i cried my eyes out in her shoulder. after i had decided i didn't want to get anymore snot or tears on her i told her i needed a minute and i went outside. then it all came out. i don't think i have cried that loud in a very long time. i was so mad and sad. mad that he was gone. sad that he was gone. mad at my mom for not even sounding like she cared. sad i didn't get to say goodbye or i love you one more time. i pretty much just had a melt down. i kicked the dirt and screamed. and asked why over and over again. then i just sat there in the dirt and let everything come out. i couldn't stop the tears for a really long time. i hurt soooo bad. i miss him so much. i always blew him off when he wanted to talk or do something, always telling myself i would have time later...and now i don't. I've cried myself to sleep the last 3 nights...i miss you grandpa. and i love you more than words can say....='(

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Silent Cries...

Theres two kinds of crying...the kind where you're really loud...and you're crying outloud...then the kind where you're just sitting there...and the tears just kind of silently fall down your cheeks. I think the second kind is by far the're just sitting there...and everything hits you, or one thing pushes you over the edge and makes you remember EVERYTHING and you're just left there with all these tears running down your cheeks. but you're silent, you're in despair, its like the sounds dont come out. you just sit there while you feel like your whole world is crashing down...and all there is to show for it are the tears running down your face that you cant seem to stop...and to me...these silent tears hurt ten times worse than any loud crying could...:'(

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Who are you when I'm not lookin...?

So lately this song has become one of my favorites....It sure does make me think. The whole 'who are you when I'm not looking?' really kind of gets to me...I feel like, when nobody is looking am i being who i should be? Do i act the same way in front of people as i do when nobody is looking? Am i who i want to be? Or do i give in to all the temptations of life when no one is looking? Then i realize someone is always looking..God is always looking. he See's everything i do when i think no one is looking...And I don't know...this song just really hits home for me for some unknown reason....just thought I'd share it(:

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Goodbye 2010, Hello 2011.(:

Well....i am still in shock that its 2011 already..i turn 16 this year! Time has just gone by way to fast, i want to enjoy my teenage years! haha, last night was the new years eve dance....what an amazing way to end the year and start the new was the best dance i have ever been to in my entire life..(: life is just great right now....(:

Tali and I in our shirts we made!(: We left the back blank and asked everyone to sign them..(:

I look drugged...but it was a great night.(:


I think the fumes are getting to her...haha

dont mess with me...haha

Kassi Church!!!

This is a horrible picture of me...haha but i love this kid! and Tali!! haha such a fun night!!

Party like a rockstar(:

I love my best friend...(:


Me??? really??

This is my favorite kid right here. hahaha

hahahahahahahaha, really...?

Dont mess with Sterling...haha

This is like my favorite picture ever! Its so perfect! hahaha


i really dont know what was going on..haha

He's to dang tall. hahaha

Sterling Silver(:

What dorks.(:

Hahahaha,the battery was dying...

So, as you can see...the last day of 2010 was probably the best day of the whole year...i couldn't ask for better friends. They make life simply amazing.(: i love 'em all.(:
I'll miss 2010...but i know that 2011 will hold some pretty great memories...(: