Thursday, June 23, 2011

Not wanting to be a tempter...

Ahhhhh. I have had so much to think about these past few weeks. I dont even know where to begin! Life is going by in such a blur. Everything is meshing together and i feel i have lost track of time! Last wee was girls camp...Crazy experience. Being a Junior leader i got to help on the Iron Rod, and Tali, being a fourth year got to go on it. I was chosen to be a tempter cause they already had enough angels...i thought it would be easy..i was right at the end. if they got past my tempting they would make it home into the arms of their Heavenly Father..thats alot of pressure! but it wasnt really that hard...tempting the people to go the wrong way was actually rather easy. Then Tali came along. she looked so lost and confused. everyone was telling her different ways to go..i could see the tears coming out from under her blindfold and i could see the hurt it was causing her. all she wanted to do was make it home. and i was going to be standing in the way. thats when it hit me, like a ton of bricks. i hate crying in front of people...but there i was, crying my eyes out in front of everyone. i didnt want to have to lie to her, to tell her she was going the wrong way, when she was SO close to being there. she got to me...and as soon as i told her to turn around i hated myself...she paused..because she knew me, and she knew my voice, she trusted me. its the worst feeling in the world...letting your friend down like that. i was crying so hard. luckily there were more angels. and she made it home...but that was seriously one of the hardest things i have ever done. it made me think...i dont wanna be the friend that is leading my friends down the wrong path...i want to be the one pushing them towards their eternal goals, i want to be the one encouraging them to go on missions and get married in the temple. i want to be the one they can look up to and know i will help them find the right way. i want to be a better person for them, and for myself..