Not wanting to be a tempter...

Ahhhhh. I have had so much to think about these past few weeks. I dont even know where to begin! Life is going by in such a blur. Everything is meshing together and i feel i have lost track of time! Last wee was girls camp...Crazy experience. Being a Junior leader i got to help on the Iron Rod, and Tali, being a fourth year got to go on it. I was chosen to be a tempter cause they already had enough angels...i thought it would be easy..i was right at the end. if they got past my tempting they would make it home into the arms of their Heavenly Father..thats alot of pressure! but it wasnt really that hard...tempting the people to go the wrong way was actually rather easy. Then Tali came along. she looked so lost and confused. everyone was telling her different ways to go..i could see the tears coming out from under her blindfold and i could see the hurt it was causing her. all she wanted to do was make it home. and i was going to be standing in the way. thats when it hit me, like a ton of bricks. i hate crying in front of people...but there i was, crying my eyes out in front of everyone. i didnt want to have to lie to her, to tell her she was going the wrong way, when she was SO close to being there. she got to me...and as soon as i told her to turn around i hated myself...she paused..because she knew me, and she knew my voice, she trusted me. its the worst feeling in the world...letting your friend down like that. i was crying so hard. luckily there were more angels. and she made it home...but that was seriously one of the hardest things i have ever done. it made me think...i dont wanna be the friend that is leading my friends down the wrong path...i want to be the one pushing them towards their eternal goals, i want to be the one encouraging them to go on missions and get married in the temple. i want to be the one they can look up to and know i will help them find the right way. i want to be a better person for them, and for myself..

Who says Mormons cant have fun?!

Everyone always says that Mormons dont know how to have fun. Man, do they have alot to learn! I think Mormons can have just as much fun as anyone.(: And I have proof of some of the fun times we've had. Without getting drunk, high, or sleeping around.(:

You see, we can spend hours in wal-mart. i mean HOURS. Doing stuff that to you, would probably seem stupid. but to us, its the funnest thing.(:



Sometimes, in life, you just gotta get out. and go do something a kid would do.(:

Sometimes for fun, we just go sit in the middle of the isles at wal-mart...and we scream random stuff. the reactions on peoples faces totally make our days. 

And sometimes we take pictures while laying in the middle of a street.!

Or we take fun, bumpy, wagon rides. where we spend the next hour trying to stop laughing so we can get the splinters out of our butts.

Or we yell and scream at the top of out lungs at football games. while checking out all the hot guys and picking which ones we think are the best from the team.

Or we go to concerts. and try not to let the drunks fall all over us.

Then there's always the four-wheeling. its the best. just the feeling of going fast, while every inch of you is getting covered in mud. and then losing feeling in your fingers...yeah. its great!

Or we take funny pictures while everyone stares at us like we are crazy

Then there are all the times we take pictures with signs. cant get enough of them.(:

or we dress up like freakin awesome hippies for halloween

Or we go on fun car trips with the music blasted!

Then we party it up on hotel balconies

Then we go to the parks at midnight and ride all the little kid rides. its amazing!

Then we drink capri suns and do our hair wild and take crazy pictures and record weird videos of us dancing to the music.



Or we make midnight trips to wal-mart just to try on guys' ties.(:

I could go on forever about all the things we do to have fun. I could posts millions of pictures. But just know....Mormons know how to have fun. Or atleast these ones do.(:

I love you Grandpa....

Wednesday night i found out my Grandpa Wadlow had passed away...it was so sad. We had just finished setting up the activity for that night that i was in charge of helping with...and then i got the text. i tried so hard not to let it show...but Tali as usually can tell right away when something is off...she gave me one look then asked what was wrong...which made me want to cry even more! and i was trying so hard to hold it in until  mutual was over! so i went to the bathroom and tried to get ahold of myself...then on the way home...i just couldn't stop. i now officially know what its like to cry while driving...and once again those silent cries got me...and the tears just rolled down my face. As soon as we got home i tried to escape to my room so Tali (who was spending the night) wouldn't see me cry. but there was no such luck. she got me in my room. and she just hugged me while i cried my eyes out in her shoulder. after i had decided i didn't want to get anymore snot or tears on her i told her i needed a minute and i went outside. then it all came out. i don't think i have cried that loud in a very long time. i was so mad and sad. mad that he was gone. sad that he was gone. mad at my mom for not even sounding like she cared. sad i didn't get to say goodbye or i love you one more time. i pretty much just had a melt down. i kicked the dirt and screamed. and asked why over and over again. then i just sat there in the dirt and let everything come out. i couldn't stop the tears for a really long time. i hurt soooo bad. i miss him so much. i always blew him off when he wanted to talk or do something, always telling myself i would have time later...and now i don't. I've cried myself to sleep the last 3 nights...i miss you grandpa. and i love you more than words can say....='(

Silent Cries...

Theres two kinds of crying...the kind where you're really loud...and you're crying outloud...then the kind where you're just sitting there...and the tears just kind of silently fall down your cheeks. I think the second kind is by far the worst...you're just sitting there...and everything hits you, or one thing pushes you over the edge and makes you remember EVERYTHING and you're just left there with all these tears running down your cheeks. but you're silent, you're in despair, its like the sounds dont come out. you just sit there while you feel like your whole world is crashing down...and all there is to show for it are the tears running down your face that you cant seem to stop...and to me...these silent tears hurt ten times worse than any loud crying could...:'(

Who are you when I'm not lookin...?

So lately this song has become one of my favorites....It sure does make me think. The whole 'who are you when I'm not looking?' really kind of gets to me...I feel like, when nobody is looking am i being who i should be? Do i act the same way in front of people as i do when nobody is looking? Am i who i want to be? Or do i give in to all the temptations of life when no one is looking? Then i realize someone is always looking..God is always looking. he See's everything i do when i think no one is looking...And I don't know...this song just really hits home for me for some unknown reason....just thought I'd share it(:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xXD9-1mLBY

Goodbye 2010, Hello 2011.(:

Well....i am still in shock that its 2011 already..i turn 16 this year! Time has just gone by way to fast, i want to enjoy my teenage years! haha, last night was the new years eve dance....what an amazing way to end the year and start the new one..it was the best dance i have ever been to in my entire life..(: life is just great right now....(:

Tali and I in our shirts we made!(: We left the back blank and asked everyone to sign them..(:

I look drugged...but it was a great night.(:

Markers!!



I think the fumes are getting to her...haha



dont mess with me...haha

Kassi Church!!!

This is a horrible picture of me...haha but i love this kid! and Tali!! haha such a fun night!!

Party like a rockstar(:

I love my best friend...(:

Cheeeeeeese...(:

Me??? really??



This is my favorite kid right here. hahaha



hahahahahahahaha, really...?

Dont mess with Sterling...haha



This is like my favorite picture ever! Its so perfect! hahaha




party!



i really dont know what was going on..haha



He's to dang tall. hahaha



Sterling Silver(:

What dorks.(:



Hahahaha,the battery was dying...



So, as you can see...the last day of 2010 was probably the best day of the whole year...i couldn't ask for better friends. They make life simply amazing.(: i love 'em all.(:

I'll miss 2010...but i know that 2011 will hold some pretty great memories...(: